


Can't Keep Running From You

by imaginingmultifandom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:13:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginingmultifandom/pseuds/imaginingmultifandom
Summary: You have been hurt badly in the past and trusted the wrong guy, and you don't ever want that to happen again. Still, you can't deny your growing feelings for Draco Malfoy. It's a game of push and pull between the two of you, and it keeps getting harder to avoid him. Draco doesn't want to give up on the connection you both have, but will that end in you being the one to hurt him?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Reader
Kudos: 39





	1. 1

"I'll be back in a minute, Pansy. I promise I'll join in with the next round of shots,"

You had just stepped out of the Slytherin dorm room, trying to get away from the party that was happening in there for just a moment. Your mind was already buzzing from the fruity bowl of punch that Pansy had managed to sneak in, and you needed some time to breath.

You weren't quite sure how you had managed to get invited to a Slytherin party in the first place, but you definitely weren't going to complain. You mused that it was probably Draco Malfoy's doing, anyway, It had been a fun night so far, even though you hadn't gotten to talk to him for more than a minute since you had arrived. You were probably better of that way, though.

It was a push and pull between Draco and you, it always had been. There was something there, and you both knew it ever since you first met.

But you had been hurt before, your trust betrayed by your previous boyfriend. That had left a bigger mark on you than you had ever thought possible. You had never been a person that trusted easily, and your ex going behind your back was the last straw. Those feelings that you had for Draco, those scared you. You knew that he was someone you could see yourself getting serious with, and that was a risk you weren't ready to take. You didn't want history to repeat itself, and ending up hurt again.

You took a deep breath and mentally prepared yourself to go back in, still craving the blond's presence but wanting to force yourself to keep on avoiding him, nonetheless.

Behind you, you could hear the entrance door of the common room being swung open. You turned around instinctively, and froze in place when you recognized the figure that stepped out.

"Needed to take a breather as well?" Draco's familiar voice rang through your ears, a smug grin appearing on his face as soon as he noticed it was indeed you. "That punch is going to my head," You explained quickly, wanting to sound collected even though you were desperately trying to ignore the way his sight alone made your stomach flutter. The way his black suit perfectly clung to his body had an effect on you, you couldn't deny it.

"I see," He responded in a low murmur, letting his eyes wander up and down your figure slowly.

"Like what you see?" You couldn't help teasing him, your plan to avoid him already completely backfiring.

"You know I do," Draco said matter-of-factly, and took in your sight for a moment longer before continuing "Is there any special reason why you have hardly talked to me all night?"

"I'm talking to you right now, am I not?" You responded quickly, already used to how blunt he could be. It was all part of that little unspoken game between you too, him calling you out on all the ways you were running from that your connection.

"Would you be open to talking somewhere more private, then? I feel like I need to get away from the loud crowd in there," Draco lifted his arm as he spoke, revealing a nearly full bottle of fire whiskey in his hand, "And I've got the booze covered,"

There was a voice in the back of your head that screamed yes, let's go, anything to be alone with you. Moreover, the punch you had consumed over the past hour seemed to quiet down all the other voices that normally would tell you that this was a bad idea.

"Fine," You heard yourself say, "lust for a few minutes. But don't get the wrong idea, Malfoy. I just need some quiet time as well. Nothing more."

"Sure, darling." Draco retorted mockingly, and before you realized it he had taken hold of your hand and pulled you along with him, "Come on, I know a place."

You rolled your eyes at his cockiness, but let yourself get pulled along anyway.

Soon, you both quietly walked up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, looking around to make sure that no one had seen you sneaking up there.

Neither of you had let go of each other's hands as you walked, and you allowed yourself to enjoy the blissful feeling of it for this passing moment.

Then, Draco let go, and you watched as he took of his suit jacket and spread it out on the floor in front of one of the big pillars. He gestured for you to sit down, but you hesitated.

"Are you sure? That's an expensive jacket, I'm fine with just the floor," You made your point, not wanting to ruin his clothes.

"Just sit down, Y/N," Draco explained, "We both know I have like ten more of these. Besides, sitting on it won't destroy it anyway." He sat down first, placing the bottle of firewhiskey on the floor and patting the empty space next to him.

"Alright," You nodded, slowly sitting down. It was more comfortable than you had expected, even though the cold brick of the pillar sent a shiver down your spine when you leaned back against it.

Draco's left side was ever so slightly brushing against yours as you sat there, both facing forward, somehow not daring to look each other in the eye.

For a second you wondered what you were even doing here, both the sudden quietness and closeness between you two leaving you feeling a bit awkward.

"Are you going to offer me some of that?" You broke the silence more harshly than you had planned on, matching Draco's usual cockiness. You gestured over to the bottle next to him.

*Thought you would never ask," The blond responded almost too smugly, handing you over the booze in an instant.

"Thank you." You mumbled, lifting the bottle to your mouth and accidentally taking a bigger swig than you had intended to. You coughed immediately, the firewhiskey burning your throat more than anticipated. It had been a while since you had a drink like this, Pansy's punch now seeming awfully sweet in comparison.

"You're starting to become a real lightweight, Y/N." Draco couldn't contain his grin as he watched you.

"Am not," You objected, immediately taking another swig out of spite. It already burned less, your body adjusting to the sensation of the hard alcohol.

This was the side of you that had always fascinated Draco the most, the one where you didn't take any of his shit and could one-up him easily. It was a pity that you only ever allowed for it to come out once you had a drink.

Silence fell between you two once more, but this time it was a comfortable one. You each took turns taking small swigs from the bottle of firewhiskey, letting the liquid run down your throat before passing it to the other.

You hadn't felt cold up until now, as it was a rather mild summer night. But slowly, you became more aware of the way the wind played around your nose and the coldness of the pillar you were leaning against creeping up your back. Even the heating effect of the whiskey couldn't prevent a shiver from running through your body.

You tried to suppress it, but Draco noticed immediately. Without a word, he lifted his left arm and wrapped it around your shoulder.

You froze at first, but when Draco turned his head and gave you an unusually soft smile, you couldn't help but relax into his touch.

"No need to be cold when I'm right here." He stated simply, as if you cuddling was the most natural thing in the world.

By now you were both far more than just buzzed, and that loosened your inhibitions more than you had ever planned to. Without thinking too much about it, you shifted slightly and wrapped your own arms around Draco's waist. 

You were just craving some warmth, nothing more. At least that's what you told yourself, ignoring how your heart stopped when Draco pulled you even closer.

You sighed into his touch, letting yourself fall into his embrace.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, you know." He said out of the blue, catching you off guard.

"Why would I be afraid of you?" You asked, not quite sure what he was getting at.

"You know what I mean, Y/N." Draco responded, letting the hand that was wrapped around you absent-mindedly run up and down your upper arm, "Afraid of me, or rather afraid of us, this between us.

"I'm not afraid," You lied through your teeth, goosebumps appearing on your arm due to his soft touch, "And there's no us, Draco,"

"Don't play dumb now," He scoffed, the alcohol loosening both your tongues, "No us? Then why are you wrapped up my arm? Why are you avoiding me more than ever lately?"

"I'm just cold," You considered pulling away from him, but couldn't bring yourself to, "And I haven't been avoiding you, I was just.. busy lately,"

"Don't lie to me, Y/N. Please," Draco pleaded in a tone so soft, one that you had never heard from him before, "I know there's something between us, and I want to find out what it is. Maybe I was foolish to think you did, too." His words were slightly slurred, but they left you aching regardless. "If you want me to back off, I will. I just as long as there's even the slightest chance, I won't give up."

"Draco.. look," You stumbled over your words, and took a deep breath before starting again. You practically inhaled his perfume because you were so close, and his scent left you feeling even dizzier than the booze, "|- I can't deny that we have a connection, okay? But-" You stopped yourself.

"But what?" He questioned, "I want to understand. Give me a chance to,"

"I just can't go through it again," You opened up, finally, the alcohol letting you forget that you would regret this in the morning, "What happened with my ex, I mean, I can't. I'm not strong enough,"

You hadn't told anyone that your ex had cheated on you, repeatedly. The shame you associated with that was too much, so you had simply told everyone you both had lost feelings and therefore broke up. Nowadays, you didn't even want to say or think about his name, it hurt too much. 

Lucky for you, he had transferred to Beauxbatons shortly after your breakup due to his parents moving, so at least you didn't have to see him anymore. The painful memories still lasted, though.

"You never told me what he did to you," Draco whispered, "And don't tell me that bullshit losing feelings excuse, I know there's something more behind it." He hesistated for a moment, before adding, "I saw the hurt in your eyes even months after,"

You felt your throat closing, hating the idea that Draco could see through you like that.

"I felt worthless, ashamed. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about it,"

Oh merlin, you really would regret opening up like this tomorrow, but you kept talking regardless. Damn that firewhiskey.

"He cheated. Multiple times, multiple girls. And even when I found out he kept denying it, made me feel like I was the one going crazy and making things up. Made me realize I was way too naive and didn't know him at all,"

"It's not naive to trust the person you love," Draco said suprisingly profound, turning his head so he could face you properly, "He's just scum who never deserved to be loved by someone like you in the first place."

His words shook you up, made your heart flutter despite the painful memories of your ex, and his raw display of emotion took you aback. Sure, Draco was always more or less flirting with you, but it had always been harmless. You both had your struggles with the more heavy emotions, that much you were sure of, so you knew how much it meant when he got serious like this. You just weren't sure if you were worthy of him opening up like that.

"Is that the firewhiskey talking?" You forced yourself to grin at him, trying to change the subject by teasing him.

"It definitely helps a bit," Draco replied more honest than you expected, and lifted his gaze to look in your eyes directly, "Look, Y/N. I know I'm not perfect, far from it. But I'm not like him, that much I know."

"I didn't think he was like that, either," You admitted, and sat up a bit, only barely able to stop yourself from pulling your eyes away from his intense gaze. You pulled your arms away from his waist, feeling overwhelmed with conflicting emotions, "But he still hurt me,"

"I would never hurt you, darling." Draco kept his eyes fixed on your face, soothing you with his words.

"I really want to believe that," You murmured, subconsciously moving your face a bit closer to his. His eyes pulled you in, you couldn't help it.

"Then give me a chance to prove it," Draco's voice was barely above a whisper now, and he let his eyes fall down to your lips for just a second once he noticed you getting closer.

You had caught his look, but didn't pull away. His presence drew you in, made you feel weak and curious for more all at once.

Ever so slowly, as if to not scare you away, Draco lifted his right arm. He stopped with his hand placed under your chin and carefully tilted your head so you were even closer.

"Are you gonna give me that chance, sweetheart?" He crooned, eyes big as he looked at you.

You couldn't hold yourself back anymore, firewhiskey and the smell of Draco's familiar scent loosening your inhibitions and letting your true feelings shine through. You matched his pace, slowly closing the distance between your mouths until you finally let your lips linger on his.

When your mouths touched for the first time, it seemed as if the whole room was spinning and the only still thing was Draco's face. You closed your eyes, and let yourself fall into the kiss.

Draco moved and cupped your face with his hands now, pulling you to him and deepening the kiss. You felt as if you were going to explode and fall apart under his gentle touch. 

You could taste the booze still lingering on his tongue, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered, because you were both drunk and finally daring to slip into whatever this thing between you was.

Once Draco let his tongue gently flicker into your mouth, the thoughts spinning in your head stopped completely. You couldn't think, couldn't feel any sensation besides his touch.

All hesitation was gone for the moment, and you were feeling reckless. You pulled away from the kiss briefly and slung your leg across Draco's to sit in his lap and still face him, stumbling a bit due to your buzz.

You let out a giggle, and Draco joined you, steadying your waist and pulling you into his lap with ease.

His hands rested on your hips now while yours were wrapped around his neck, lowering your head to go in for another kiss.

"I've wanted this for so long," Draco mumbled between tender kisses, and you pulled him in for another to quiet him down.

"Let's not talk," You shushed, knowing that this moment was all to delicate and you hated to see it ruined by one of you saying something wrong. Or just maybe, fear started to creep up in the back of your mind that you would reciprocate his words and let him in too far, too soon.

Draco looked at you, and for a second it felt like there was a bit of hurt flickering through his eyes because you had shut him down so quickly. Suddenly, he pulled you in again and crashed his lips onto yours for an even deeper kiss, as if he feared that this moment was fleeing and would soon be out of his reach.

And the moment did end sooner than either of you had expected, because there was a sudden meow audible and it came from the tops of the stairs leading to the tower.

You turned around instantly, realizing that Mrs. Norris was sitting on the stairs, her watchful eyes fixated on both of you. This meant that Filch couldn't be far, and you didn't even dare to imagine how many weeks of detention you would get for drunkenly sneaking around with each other at this time and place.

"Shit," You stood up as quick as possible, pulling away from Draco and stumbling slightly as you got to your feet. He joined you and grabbed his jacket and the by now nearly empty bottle, and you both ran down the stairs.

"Go, go, go," You ushered quietly, hoping that Filch was still far away and Mrs. Norris hadn't snitched on you yet. You felt as if you had sobered up immediately, rushing down the hallway with Draco still by your side, "Let's split up and head back to our dorms,"

Draco nodded, and you were about to head your seperate ways when you could feel his hand grabbing yours and pulling you around to him once more.

"Y/N, wait," He said, and without any hesistation crashed his lips into yours for the last time this night. The world stopped for a moment, his kiss making you almost forget about why you were running in the first place. The sound of another meow behind you brought you back into reality, and you pulled away.

"Promise you won't avoid me tomorrow?" Draco asked, his question leaving him all vulnerable and still hopeful.

The adrenaline pumping through your body left you feeling stone-cold sober, and you couldn't bring yourself to say yes. Instead, you gave only the slightest nod, your head low and eyes fixed on the floor.

"We really need to go, he'll catch us," You let out before turning on your heel, beginning to run towards the moving stairs.

Where he was, Draco stood still and watched you run away from him. It was a familiar sight, by now.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give in to Draco, until you can’t anymore. The back and forth seems to break both your hearts.

The next morning, you woke up in your dorm room with a throbbing headache. Your hangover was painful enough, you were glad that you had at least dodged Filch and the inevitable detention if he had spotted you. Thankfully, you had made it back in time to your room. 

You wondered whether Draco had escaped him, and thinking of him brought what had happened last night back into your mind. The memories were hazy, but you remembered enough for deep regret to form in you. 

Oh Merlin, you had really told Draco all about your ex, even though you had sworn yourself to never tell a soul. And worse, you had kissed him. Sure, you could try and blame it on the alcohol if Draco confronted you, but at the same time you knew that he would never buy into that.

There was a small part of you that didn't regret that kiss, didn't regret how it had made you feel like him and you were the only two people in the world for just a second. 

But at the same time, you felt as if you had lead him on, made him believe that there was actually a chance for you two to get serious and end this back and forth. But there wasn't this chance, there couldn't be.

Draco Malfoy was the type of guy to break your heart into a million pieces once you let him in, you were sure of it. 

You glanced at the wooden floor clock in your room, and saw that it was nearly time for the first class of your day. That's why all your roommates were all gone already, you realized.

After getting ready as quick as possible, you hurried down the hallways over to the Greenhouse, already dreading your Herbology class because you knew that Draco attended it as well.

When you arrived at your class, you still hadn't managed to plan how you would act around him to try and make it not awkward. 

Unfortunately, his were the first pair of eyes you met with yours once you entered the Greenhouse. He shot you an almost shy smile once he noticed it was you, mouthing a quick hey as you found your place at the big table filled with plants in the middle of the room.

You didn't reciprocate his smile, instead quickly looking down at the plant in front of you and studied it with exaggerated interested. As usual, you settled on your tactics of ignorance to avoid the unspoken tension between you. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the smile on Draco's face fading. It felt like a hit to your chest.

It was easier than expected to avoid talking to Draco during Herbology class, Professor Sprout making you all concentrate on the repotting of a quite demanding plant rather than letting you talk to your classmates.

But even though you were quite busy, the class still went by awfully slow. You couldn't help but notice the glances Draco was throwing at you. Sometimes, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him open his mouth briefly just to close it again, as if he wanted to say something to you and only stopped himself at the latest second.

Once Professor Sprout ended the lesson, you exited the Greenhouse as fast as possible. You had a little break before your Potions class started, and you couldn't believe that you were actually looking forward to a lesson that was taught by Snape. You couldn't stand him, but at least it was a class that Draco didn't attend with you. 

Potions class went by faster, and soon it was nearly lunch time. You had some time left before the food would be served, and you decided it would be best to spend it alone to sort out your thoughts.

You walked along a rather empty hallway, as most of the students were already outside to spend their break in the sun.

There were footsteps coming up behind you now, the sound of their unusual fast pace resonating off the walls around you. Suddenly you felt a pull on your robe, making you turn on your heel.

"Draco?" You questioned, his quickened breathing making it obvious that he must have run after you.

Before you could realize what was happening, he grabbed your hand and guided you into a close corner behind a pillar. You were fairly secluded now, given that most students were outside anyway and this hallway was always rather empty.

"What is it with you pulling me into hidden places?" You blurted out, trying to joke even though your eyes were still wide in surprise. You leaned back at the wall behind you, wanting to make some space between you in this narrow spot.

"Cut the crap, Y/N." Draco spat out, framing your body with his hands as he placed them on the wall on either side of your body, "You avoided me in class today," The blond boy said, matter-of-factly. 

"I didn't." You both knew he was right, but that didn't mean you had to admit it, "I was simply focused on the tasks Sprout gave us,"

"You did," He murmured as a response, "Don't even try to act like you have such a sudden interest in Herbology,"

"Fine, maybe I avoided you." You admitted, telling him the truth sooner than you wanted to, "But I had my reasons,"

"I'm sure you did." He scoffed, scanning your face with his eyes in an attempt to find out your true emotions.

"Look, Draco-" You began, wanting to get out of this situation as soon as possible. You just didn't trust yourself to do the right thing if you were in this close proximity with him for too long, "About last night.. I- I don't.."

"You don't what?" Draco questioned immediately as you stumbled over your words.

"I don't want you to think that it meant anything." You quickly blurted out, eyes fixed on the floor because that made it easier to lie to him, "It was a one time thing. I was just drunk. Sorry,"

For a moment, the boy in front of you seemed genuinely stunned. Your words must have stung more than you had anticipated. He took a visibly deep breath, and regained his composure.

"You're really trying to tell me it didn't mean anything?" He asked slowly, shaking his head at you in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, Draco." You desperately tried to keep up your facade, wanting to ignore how his familiar eau de cologne sneaked into your nose and made your knees go weak, "Like I said, I was just drunk and I couldn't think right,"

"Just drunk, huh?" Draco huffed, meeting your gaze when you finally let yourself look at him again, "So when you're so sober I don't have an effect on you at all?"

"No, you don't," You swallowed hard at the sudden intense eye contact, still trying to sound self-assured.

"Are you sure?" He questioned in a low tone, noticing your hard swallow and the way you struggled to keep his eye contact.

He edged his face just the slightest bit towards yours.

"Yes," You breathed out shakily, breaking away from his gaze and turning your face to the side.

"Then look me in the eyes this time," He whispered, closely inspecting your reaction to his words, "Look me in the eyes when you say it didn't mean anything."

You turned your head to face him again.

"Say those words like you mean them," Draco said, "Then I'll back off and never bother you again, if that's what you want."

You knew he meant it, you knew that if you just said the words right now this all would stop. You wouldn't have to avoid him anymore, and maybe leave all those unspoken feelings between you behind.

But you couldn't say it. You tried to open your mouth, but something held you back. Too scared of getting hurt again, but still not quite ready to let go of Draco.

"I knew it," A pleased smile played around his lips as Draco noticed your silence. He tilted his head, slowly moving it to the side of your face.

You swallowed hard, feeling a shudder run down your back as his hot breath grazed your skin.

"You know you're gonna have to stop running away from me one day, right?" Draco whispered into your ear, goosebumps appearing all over your body.

"I know." You breathed out, aware that your feelings were far more complicated than your simple response.

Draco moved away from your ear, and pressed a light kiss to your cheek before pulling away from your side and facing you directly again.

Your noses were nearly touching now, and you let your eyes wander up and down his face slowly. You allowed yourself to look at his rosy lips for a second, memories of your kisses last night coming back to haunt you.

The Slytherin boy slowly tilted his head forward and brushed his nose against yours. The gesture seemed so unlike him at first glance, and it was so soft it made your heart ache.

It was so tempting to give into him, to just let him kiss you here and now.

You yearned for more and as you met Draco's eyes again, you knew he did too. Just one last kiss wouldn't hurt, would it?

"Oh, damn you, Malfoy," You muttered more to yourself than him, knowing he had you right where he wanted you.

You grabbed his tie and pulled him towards you with a swift motion, crashing your lips onto his.

It took a moment for Draco to realise that this was really happening, but once he did, he didn't hold back.

He kissed you back hard and pressed you up against the wall, making your mind swirl.

"Y/N?" Harry's familiar voice suddenly rang through the hallway, and you pulled away from Draco in an instant, "Are you around here?"

"Ignore him," Draco whispered against your lips and leaned in for another kiss, "Let's just enjoy this a bit longer, darling,"

"He's calling me, I can't just ignore him," You tried to explain.

"Please, Y/N," He said softly, "It's only lunch, we'll get there a bit later, it doesn't matter," Draco's eyes were pleading, and while he spoke under his breath, he leaned in for another kiss, "Just- Just stay, this time. Only a bit longer,"

You stopped him before he could kiss you again, pressing a finger to his lips to keep him from interrupting you as you spoke up.

"Yes, I'm here," You called out almost automatically, your voice just loud enough for him to hear you across the hallway.

"You can't be serious, Y/N," Draco muttered quietly against your finger before you stepped away.

He had to watch as you frantically pulled on your clothes and fixed some hair strands that had fallen into your face, trying to make yourself look.. well, look like you hadn't just made out with Draco Malfoy hidden behind a pillar. 

"It's almost lunch time, you coming?" The footsteps were becoming louder, and you could tell that Harry was just mere meters away, "I searched for you everywhere,"

You stepped out from behind the pillar just before Harry walked around the corner to the hallway you were in.

You managed to pat down your school uniform once more before your friend spotted you, though you were aware that the mess right now was your head, and not your appearance.

"Coming," You faked a smile as he approached you, feeling as if you had been caught doing something wrong. You quickly walked towards him, not wanting Harry to run into Draco. You really didn't need your friends questioning your love life right now.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Harry chuckled, "Ron and Hermione are already in the Great Hall, we'll be late for lunch if we don't hurry up,"

"Then let's hurry up," You simply responded, purposefully ignoring his question about your whereabouts.

You began heading towards the Great Hall with him, both your backs now turned away from the pillar. Draco came out of hiding, not even sure why he had stayed put it in the first place. He kept his gaze fixed on the floor, not able to bring himself to watch you leave.

Lunch with your friends somehow felt hasty and awfully slow all at once, and you were barely able to follow their conversation because your mind was filled with swirling thoughts.

It was as if you were suddenly pulled back into reality, as if that tender moment with Draco had been some sort of fleeting trance.

You let your mind wander too far, musing that once this push and pull between Draco and you ended, once you gave into him and wanted to get serious, he would leave. Maybe it was just the thrill of the chase that kept him interested in you.

"Seems like we weren't the only ones late to lunch," Harry noted jokingly, giving a small nod with his head towards the entrance of the hall, "Even Malfoy isn't on time today,"

You hesistantly looked over to the door, desperately hoping that you wouldn't make eye contact with Draco.

You hated that you hadn't been able resist him. You wouldn't let it get that far again, you couldn't risk it. Your feelings for him were so strong, you were sure it would rip you apart if something went wrong.

"Ah, yeah- seems like that." You awkwardly responded, watching as Draco walked over to the Slytherin table. Your stomach turned at his sight, yet still you couldn't tear your eyes away from him.

Just before you were able to do so, Draco seemed to have noticed your eyes on him. Whether it was coincidence or the connection between you too, he met your gaze in an instant.

For a second, it felt as if you two were the only ones in the room. His eyes had something so haunting about them, it had always fascinated you.

But right now, you couldn't quite place the look he was giving you. Before you knew it, his gaze fell again and he rushed over to his table.

Lunch was nearly over when you spotted Draco getting up from his seat, ready to leave. You quickly made up an excuse to your friends, saying that you were finished and needed to get to your next class that was on the other side of Hogwarts.

You wanted to catch up with Draco, wanting to tell him once and for all that you were sorry for leading him on, and that this was a mistake. You would both be better off that way, wouldn't you?

You reached Draco just as he had left the Great Hall, calling out his name behind him. You were sure he heard you, but he somehow didn't stop walking.

"Draco," You said again, by now walking almost directly behind him, "Come on, I know you can hear me,"

He stopped in his tracks, and you nearly stumbled into him.

"I can't do this, Y/N." Draco spat out, his serious reaction genuinely surprising you, "I can't, not right now,"

"Can't what? I just want to talk," You tried to explain, "Can't you give me a minute, at least?"

"A minute for what, exactly? For you to-" A few other students walked by, and Draco lowered his voice, "To give me another excuse for why you kissed me this time?"

Your mouth fell open, stunned by his sudden harshness. Maybe your back and forth really had weighed down on him more than you noticed.

"Draco, please," You tried to reason, wanting to find the right words.

"No, Y/N. I know it's hard for you to make your mind up about this," He uttered, "But that doesn't mean you can always leave me standing like some bloody fool."

This was it, you thought. You had carried things too far, this time.

Draco turned, and walked away from you. You realized, more than ever before, how painful it was to be the one left behind.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You went too far, and Draco has finally had enough of you. At least that's what you think. But true feelings don’t just vanish, and neither does his desire to protect you.

You hadn't expected him to react like this. And even worse, you didn't want him to react like this. Students walked all around you, but their chatter and laughter were dulled in your ears.

You knew you needed to head to class, but your feet didn't move, no matter how hard you tried. You shook your head, trying to compose yourself.

It wasn't until another student accidentally bumped outright into you that you were brought back into reality. You mouthed a hasty sorry to the girl and quickly began walking to your class.

Over the next few days, you didn't talk to Draco at all. Whenever you sought him out, he went out of his way to get away from you. One day, when Professor Sprout wanted you to work together in Herbology class, he even went so far and requested another partner to be paired up with.

It hurt more than you had expected, though you weren't sure why. You tried to tell yourself it was just your bruised ego, now that you were the one being avoided. But if it was just that, then why did your breath stop every time you spotted Draco in your classes, the hallways, the Great Hall?

This is what you had wanted all along, wasn't it? Didn't you want it to be over? If so, why did it hurt so freaking much?

You tried your best to distract yourself from these thoughts, and throwing yourself into your schoolwork was your favoured method to do so at the moment.

But sooner than you liked, it was Friday, and the weekend was getting closer. You had never thought of yourself to be in the position to dread the free time that came with it, but for the first time in your life, you did.

You had finished all your homework already, and as you left your last lesson for to the day, you knew there were no more distractions from Draco. At least not until Monday.

You couldn't even hang out with your usual friends, since the Golden Trio had some project due together that Hermione would make sure to force them to work for all weekend.

"Y/N, wait up," Pansy's voice called out behind you, just as you were walking away from your last class.

"Yeah?" You stopped in your tracks, curious as to why she wanted to talk to you.

"We're having another party at the Slytherin Dungeon tonight, you want to come?" She asked, before putting on a sceptical face, "Just don't leave as early as last time. You still didn't tell me why, by the way."

"I- I'll think about it," You tried to sound at least somewhat up to it, even though this was practically the last thing you wanted to do right now, "I still have some homework.. I'll try to come," You lied.

The Slytherin common room meant seeing Draco, and you had had enough of that in the past week during school.

"Just come, it'll be fun," Pansy remarked, "Starts around 9, I'll see you there." With that, she simply turned around and walked back to her other friends.

You wanted to decline again, but she was already too far away by now.

A few hours later, after you were back in your dorm room after dinner, you had already forgotten about the invitation. Well, nearly forgotten.

Because as you laid there on top of your bed, all your dormmates out with their friends or stuck studying in the library, you realized there was honestly nothing for you to do. And this meant that all you could think about was him.

You reminisced about your first kiss, the memory feeling all fuzzy and warm. Then you thought about the day after, how Draco had pinned you against that wall, leaving you dizzy. And then, well, the memories went to a bad place.

You had left Draco standing there, just another back and forth between you, but that time it had been too much. You thought about the harshness in his voice when he had told you off after lunch, how his eyes had been so cold it scared you.

Something clicked in you now, and you realized that Draco was going to be occupying your thoughts either way. Whether you stayed here, all alone and miserable in your room, or there at the party, where you had at least some other people (and booze) to distract yourself with.

And maybe, you were tired of not seeing him, too. It would hurt, sure, but you needed to see Draco. Even if only from a distance.

You looked at the floor clock in your dorm and realised that was just a few minutes after nine o'clock. If you got ready now, you would still be there early enough before everyone was too drunk for you to catch up. So, you decided to just do it.

About half an hour later, you arrived at the Slytherin Dungeon and were let in by Pansy.

"There you are!" She exclaimed a bit more cheerful than usual, "We've already started with some shots, come and join in," Well, that at least explained her cheerfulness.

"Hey," You smiled back at her awkwardly, your eyes looking over her shoulder and scanning the room for Draco almost immediately, "All the usual people at the party tonight?" You tried to ask without raising too much suspicion.

"Yeah," She nodded but corrected herself a second later, "Well, most people. Draco's hasn't shown up yet, still bloody moping in his room for some reason. But who cares, let's have some fun,"

You weren't sure if you felt relieved or disappointed, knowing that Draco wasn't around yet.

You didn't have much time to think about that anyway, because Pansy pulled you over to some other Slytherin students who were filling up shot glasses with a weirdly shimmering, lilac liquid. When they passed you a glass, you didn't dare to question what kind of drink this was. And frankly, you didn't care. After these last days, you were glad about anything that could take your mind of Draco.

You interlocked your arm with Pansy's, and you both threw your head back into your neck and downed the shot.

"Oh Merlin, this is strong," You shook your head slightly in disgust and a few of the others drinking with you did too.

Laughter erupted between you all, and for the first time this week, you were starting to have fun. And when the next round of shots came around, you let your glass be filled up again. And after that, another time. It didn’t take long for you to stop counting your drinks.

The music was blasting away all around you, and you weren't sure how much time had passed by now. It didn't matter though. You were wandering around the room rather aimlessly, chatting with people one minute, and the next having another drink with someone else.

You were having more fun than expected and had almost forgotten about the reason why you initially didn't want to come here.

"There he is!" You suddenly heard Goyle's voice shouting across the room, and watched as he lifted his arm to point to the corner of the room that was out of your sight, "You're missing all the action, mate,"

You turned, wanting to know what he was referring to. It took you a moment to register who had just entered to room, your mind already way too hazy to process things quickly.

"What exactly am I missing out on? Your silly little drinking games?" Draco sneered at Goyle, and your heart dropped to your feet.

Sooner than you liked, Draco spotted you too. There was no way to tell whether he was shocked to see you, his face gave away nothing. His expression was empty when he looked at you, and the blond quickly tore his gaze away from you.

„Just get me some whiskey," He ordered to Goyle, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. He could have just as easily gotten it himself, you mused.

Goyle obeyed though, and Draco sat down on one of the large black leather couches in the common room with the filled up glass in his hands. He didn't deign to look at you.

A part of you wished for him to show any kind of reaction to you being here, but Draco simply ignored your presence. How the tables had turned.

Well, if this was how he wanted to do this, you would match him. Two could play at this game, after all. Everyone seemed to have slowed down a bit as soon as Draco had entered the room, but you decided to change that, maybe purely out of spite.

"Come on, let's get this party going again!" You drunkenly shouted, and Pansy joined you with a loud whoop.

The music was turned up some more, and you made a point to dance to it especially cheerfully. If this thing between you didn't affect Draco, you would make sure to show him how much of a good time you were having, as well.

Some time passed, and Draco still hadn't moved from the leather couch. But after laughing a bit too hard at one of Blaise's jokes one time too many, you noticed you were being watched. You peered along Blaise's side and realised that Draco's eyes were fixed on your every move.

Draco was still nursing the whiskey Goyle had brought him earlier, and he didn't shy away from keeping a watchful eye on you even once you spotted him.

You weren't sure what he was trying to accomplish with this, and it just made you want to show him even more how much of a good time you were having. Even though you weren't quite sure whether you were feeling good about this, after all.

By now, the room around you was spinning and you lost your balance more than once. Still, that didn't make you slow down even the slightest bit. It was getting hard to form thoughts that made sense, and even harder to get words out of your mouth that weren't slurred.

You sat down on the couch that was opposite the one that Draco was sitting on, telling yourself that you just needed a moment to rest. Or maybe because you just wanted to be a bit closer to Draco, even though that was a thought you wanted to push out of your mind as soon as possible. Another drink would help with that maybe, you foolishly considered.

So when Blaise handed you one after you had barely sat down for a minute, you took it. This time it was green and maybe a tad too slimy, and reeked of hard liquor before you had even lifted it to your mouth.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Y/N." Draco spoke up suddenly, looking up and down between your face and the drink in your hand, "You're already wasted. This won't end well,"

His voice was raspy as if he hadn't spoken to anyone since he had sat down at that couch more than an hour ago. Or two. You had no feeling for how much time had passed since Draco had arrived, the alcohol tainting your judgement.

"I think I know how much I can handle," You replied more snappily than you wanted, inwardly hating yourself for pushing him away like that. But you couldn't think clearly anymore, the conflicting feelings inside of you not mixing well with the number of drinks you had had.

What followed now, was more than childish, even your drunken self could recognize that. Purely out of spite, you raised the glass to your lips and downed it with one gulp while looking Draco directly in his eyes.

He didn't break away from your gaze, and instead simply shook his head at you in disappointment as he watched you.

"Just don't say I didn't warn you," Draco remarked.

Those were the last words you heard before everything around you went black.

The feeling of strong arms picking you up and carrying you somewhere was the next thing you could feel.

You slipped in and out of consciousness, feeling cold air around you one second and the warmth of a wool blanket engulfing you the next.

But throughout all these short passages of consciousness, there was a common theme. A familiar perfume in your nose, and the faintest words being spoken to you by a gentle voice that you couldn't quite place.

Everything you had consumed in the past hours seemed to catch up with you at once, knocking you out completely.

"Get out of here," Those were the first words you could hear clearly again, and you recognized that it seemed to be Draco hissing at someone, "Y/N needs some rest, Crabbe. Go sleep somewhere else or go back to the party, I don't bloody care,"

You opened your eyes slowly, the room that you were in only barely lit by a candle somewhere on a nightstand. You weren't sure where you were, or how you had gotten there in the first place.

"Y/N?" Draco's voice piped up as soon as you opened your eyes, and you turned to see him perched on a chair next to the bed you were currently laying on, close to your head. When you moved your face to look at him properly, everything in the room seemed to move as well. It left you feeling sick to your stomach.

"At least you're opening your eyes again," Draco let out a relieved breath, forehead furrowed in concern, "You were completely blanked out,"

It took you long to process the words he said, still feeling as drunk as before and now sick on top of it. Draco noticed that, and slowly lifted his hand to your face. He softly pushed a few stray strands of hair away from your forehead back to where they belonged.

Your head was pounding in pain, but his gesture calmed it down a bit.

"Just rest, Y/N. You need it," Draco whispered, pulling his hand away again but still keeping a watchful eye on you.

"I'm fine," You insisted, feeling everything but fine. You closed your eyes again and drifted back into a deep slumber.

The next time you woke up, the candle in the room was extinguished. Daylight was already falling in through the window and allowed you to see that Draco was still sitting on the chair next to your bed, though his figure was more slumped than before. He looked like he hadn't moved or slept at all.

"Hey there," He mumbled, giving you a sleepy smile as he noticed you were awake again. It was the first smile you had seen from him since your falling out, and despite what felt like your worst hangover ever, it made your heart skip a beat.

"Where am I?" You asked, your voice scratchy and your head throbbing. You were still wrapped up in a wool blanket that was nearly pulled up until your ears. You noticed it smelled just like Draco.

"My dorm." Draco answered quietly, "But don't worry, we're all alone. The others have slept somewhere else last night,"

"Just because of me?" You asked, feeling guilty about basically having robbed them of their sleeping place.

"It's fine," Draco remarked, "You weren't feeling well, and needed rest. Everything else doesn't matter."

"What happened exactly, anyway?" You questioned and finally registered that it was indeed Draco's bed you were laying in, "And how did I get here in the first place?"

"Well, after having that last shot it didn't take long for you to pass out on the couch," Draco said, "I tried to wake you up again, but you hardly reacted. I was seriously considering calling Mrs Pomfrey because you were so out of it,"

It was hard for you to listen to him, you felt way too embarrassed.

"When you finally talked again, you insisted that you wanted to stay at the party," Draco further explained, "But you kept on drifting back to sleep and couldn't even stand up, even less walk. So I ended up carrying you here before things could get even worse,"

"Oh," That was all you said at first. You felt guilty, even more so because you had already put him through so much lately, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin your party night,"

"It's fine, really. I wasn't in the mood for that party anyway," Draco insisted, a deep sigh escaping his mouth before he continued, "If I'm being honest I only came over to the common room because I thought I had heard your voice. Turns out I was right,"

"So you came because of me?" You questioned and slowly sat up, leaning your upper body against his bed frame. You were honestly surprised by his unexpected confession, maybe he wasn't as fed up with you as you had assumed.

"I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay, and keep an eye on you," Draco confessed, his voice low as he gestured over to you in the bed, "I wanted to be there for you in case something like this happened."

"Thank you, Draco. I mean it," You expressed truthfully, "I know we haven't been on the best terms lately-"

"Y/N," Draco interjected, "I'll always be there for you when you need me. No matter how angry I am at you, or for how long we haven't spoken to each other."

The Slytherin boy's words were gentle, but they also reminded you of the elephant in the room that had been avoided up until now. You hadn't talked this much to each other in over a week, not since Draco had made it clear that your back and forth had gone too far.

You thought back to how much you had doubted Draco lately, how scared you were of him hurting you and how you had pushed him away over and over again.

It finally dawned on you that you had painted a bad picture of Draco that only existed in your mind, and when you compared it to the boy in front of you now, it rightfully fell apart.

Maybe you had gotten it all wrong, maybe trying so hard not to get hurt was the worst way to go about love.

"I'm sorry I ever doubted that," You whispered, finally able to be more honest about your feelings, "Actually, there's something I've been meaning to say-"

"Oi, Malfoy," Someone pounded their fist against the closed door of Draco's dorm, "Can we finally get back into our own beds? Or are you still using this as a honeymoon suite?"

"Shut up, Goyle," Draco shouted back and furrowed his forehead in anger.

"I should probably get going," You said hastily, not wanting to be any more of a burden than you had already been, "I don't want to keep them out of their room."

"I'll head back to my dorm," You added and got up a bit too quickly, the room swirling around you. The alcohol had left your body by now, but the hangover was still in full effect. You gave Draco a small smile before heading over to the door, "Thank you again for this, Draco. I owe you one."

"You're welcome," Draco smiled back hesitantly, and you couldn't help the feeling that something went unspoken between you two. And for the first time, you didn't want to run away from these things that were left unsaid.

"Hey, Draco?" You asked, the door handle already in your hand, "Will you meet me in the Astronomy Tower later?"

Draco let out a deep breath as if he had been waiting for you to say exactly this, but Goyle pounded against the door again before he could answer.

"I'm coming in now, whether you like it or not," Goyle's voice was rumbling through the door, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. That boy had the worst timing. But you didn't want to keep him waiting any longer, scared that he would kick in the door and you with it if you did.

So, you opened the door and stepped out of it without another word.

Only after you had already left Draco's room you realised that he hadn't exactly had a chance to answer your question about meeting up yet. It looked like you would have to just hope for him to show up.

By the time it was afternoon, you had refreshed yourself and were already feeling way better than you did in the morning. Still, you felt nervous as you walked up to the Astronomy Tower.

You didn't know for sure whether Draco would actually show up, though you desperately wished he would.

But he was nowhere to be found as you reached the top of the stairs leading to the tower, and you felt your heart sink to your feet in disappointment. You walked up to one of the big windows, letting your gaze wander over the spectacular view and your thoughts run back to Draco.

The Slytherin was used to getting what he wanted, and perhaps it had been foolish of you to think that he would give you another chance after the things you had put him through.

Maybe you had made up your mind just a little too late.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs echoed through the tower. They sounded familiar, and when you turned around you were relieved to see Draco walking towards you.

"Did I keep you waiting?" He smirked at you, taking note of how much nervous tension seemed to leave your body when you spotted him.

"Maybe," You admitted, "If I'm being honest, I wasn't sure if you would show up."

"And I wasn't sure if you would be here waiting for me when I did show up," Draco remarked.

"I suppose you have a point, there," Your shoulders slumped a bit, "I know I haven't been.. reliable, lately."

"Not exactly, no," He agreed, nevertheless stepping towards you.

You matched him, also taking a step forward. You gathered your thoughts, trying to find the best way to ask him for another chance.

Draco spoke up before you had the chance to.

"Look, Y/N- There's something I need to say," His voice was low, and your heart stopped at the thought of him now rejecting you for good.

You lifted your head to gaze at him, wanting to at least look him in the eyes if he did.

"I thought I wouldn't mind doing this, this whole chasing after you," Draco mused, "I thought it could be fun, maybe. And it was, at first. I can't deny that," His thoughts raced back to your first kiss, your lips tasting of firewhiskey and your arms wrapped so tightly around him, "But I can't do it anymore, not like this."

"I know." You whispered, "I shouldn't have put what my ex has done on you. I know what we have is different-" You hesitated for a moment, and quietly added, "If we even still have that.."

Draco didn't say anything, instead, he just took your hand in his. He interlocked your fingers, letting his thumb softly run over the back of your hand.

You looked down to your intertwined hands and then back to his face, finding the courage to keep on speaking.

"You told me that I have to stop running from you one day," You said, and Draco gave a small nod to indicate that he remembered those words, "And I'm stopping. Today, right now, whenever you want me to. If you still want me to,"

Draco let go of your hand, and for a second, it felt as if you had lost him. But then, ever so slowly, he lifted both of his hands and cupped your face gently.

"So, you're saying, darling.." Draco questioned in a mumble, his eyes still serious but the softest smile beginning to play around his lips, "If I kissed you now, you would accept?"

"Yes, Draco," You breathed out shakily, eyes wide as you looked at him.

"And if I wanted to make you mine, you would let me?" He leaned down and gently guided your face towards his, his lips now just merely an inch away from brushing against yours. 

"I want nothing more than to be yours," You whispered, longing for his lips to finally touch yours again. He kept you on edge, made your stomach flutter.

"I'm in love with you, darling. You know that, right?" Draco murmured, still not quite closing the gap between your lips.

"I do," You admitted, "I do now, more than ever," You thought it would be hard to say those words again after your ex, but suddenly, it was so easy, because Draco was the one you said them to, "I'm in love with you, too. I promise I will never run from us again,"

"And I promise I won't give you a reason to, Y/N."

Then, Draco finally closed the distance between your lips and kissed you. He took it slow, allowing himself to fully sink into this moment with you.

It wasn't the first kiss you shared, but it still felt all new and different. There was no rush between you now. This wasn't a sloppy kiss when you both had had too much firewhiskey, and it wasn't a hasty kiss hidden away in an empty hallway either.

No, this kiss was more than that.

It was a promise for more to come, a promise that you both would finally let the love between you bloom.

"You're mine now, darling," Draco whispered when you pulled away from each other, "Don't ever forget that,"

And you never did.


End file.
